Three's a Crowd
by Ruritto
Summary: In which Uchiha Obito is very un-Uchiha in his choice of crush (aka not someone who can snap him in half) until he isn't. Confusion and chaos ensues. Alternatively: Obito likes Kakashi, he totally didn't mean to start crushing on a random mystery ANBU.
1. Meet Hound

It's been a while since I posted/wrote anything and this is my first fic in the fandom so please bear with me? Also technically unbeta-d and English isn't my first language.

Some things to keep in mind, this is all for fun and is a total AU. And in this AU ANBUs identities are more hidden and the Uchiha MP is a thing.

This is for the KakaObi discord who really helped me get back into writing and have been all really fun and sweet.

Obito would like to point out this is totally the Uchihas fault. He doesn't just mean being on this mission, he doesn't just mean being on this mission with an ANBU cell, and he does not just mean being on this mission with an Anbu cell with the Hound in it. He means everything is the Uchihas fault, specifically being an Uchiha. How else would he explain why his eyes are drawn to the way the ANBUs move? The way he notes the utter grace in their kills? How else could he excuse the way his Sharingan was tracking and memorizing the minute movements under Hound's loose outfit? He has never wanted to set fire on fabric so much.

Swallowing, he tries very, very hard to rip his eyes away from Hound, but the ANBU decides at that moment to throw himself at one of the enemy ninjas, long legs wrapping around the man's neck and then twisting. He's thankful when the scream and crack of bone breaking hides his groan though the other ANBU, Tiger, does glance at him before refocusing on his own opponent.

The rest of the attacking ninjas are taken care of shortly and Obito feels particularly useless as he simply holds his kunai and chains. He'd been so distracted by Hound he'd just stood there like some civilian to be protected, which is humiliating considering this is his mission.

' _Not to mention what Hound will think, '_ The thought sneaks up on him and he finds himself tensing because, oh, oh no, wanting to show off to someone obviously stronger was a huge part of Uchiha courting and the other man hasn't even spoken a word to him outside of introductions before the mission started. Not to mention… Silver hair and smiling eyes flash through his mind and he wants to punch himself. He couldn't, couldn't be thinking of courting the mysterious ANBU when-

"Uchiha-san?"

When Obito tells this story again he wants it clarified that he absolutely did not jump or squeak or any such things when Hound speaks to him,. "Y-yes!?"

He can practically feel the eyes dissecting him behind the masks. Fidgeting under the attention, he can't help but be a bit jealous of the ANBUs outfits, lose cloth and hoods and masks, all hiding their identity and, in this case, whatever they may be feeling and thinking. Even their voices have apparently all been trained to sound cool and much much too similar to each other. It's all entirely unfair when his own fidgeting and squeaking and blushing is open for them all to see. Obito is very certain they're judging him for looking like such an idiot.

Hound himself seems to brush the odd behavior off even as he can practically feel Tiger peering at him, trying to figure him out. He steps forward with the stolen scroll they're meant to retrieve in his hand.

Obito absolutely does not swoon when he takes it from the man, fingers brushing lightly over the other's. He does NOT. They're both wearing gloves for Sage's sake!

He turns the scroll over in his hand, because he at least has to do this part of the mission properly, and ascertains it's what they came for, seal and all, before activating his Magenkyou to whisk it away to his Kamui dimension where it can remain safe on their trip back to Konoha. Fugaku would probably have his head if he somehow drops it on the way home. After all, he very much doubts the man, even with his close friendship with the Hokage, wants to be asking the Yondaime to lend his ANBUs again. Frankly, Obito would happily do it if only to visit the Hokage office.

Turning back to his temporary teammates, Obito finds Hound looking at him, specifically his now empty hand and realizes this is probably the first time he's used Kamui among non-Military Police members. And Hound was curious. Hound was possibly _impressed_ with his ability.

And despite himself, despite just telling himself he should absolutely not, he finds himself opening his mouth before he can even think past 'impress him _more'_ " It's my Magenkyou Sharingan's ability," he says trying to meet Hound's eyes, or at least the eye holes of his mask, and hold contact, trying to determine what the other is thinking behind the blank mask. The Magenkyou, is after all, the ultimate form of the Sharingan. Surely that should catch Hound's attention. He almost does start babbling about the doujutsu, which Fugaku and the elders would understand! This was for possibly courting! And Hound was amazing, Obito needed something worth showing off.

And it seems to work too, as Hound tilts his head curiously. Which is unfairly cute and starts some internal cooing in Obito.

But Tiger clears his throat, stealing Hound's attention, "Captain, we should head back,"

The part of Obito that isn't hissing in jealousy, is instead busy shrieking at the reminder that Hound is an _ANBU Captain_. Holy fuck, that was **_hot._**

His face, thankfully, possibly doesn't reveal his thoughts to the focus of his interest. The man instead seems to droop a bit before nodding.

Obito almost offers the use of the Kamui (to show off) to make the trip back easier but both ANBU have already turned away…. And Hound's ass even in the loose pants is gorgeous.

The journey is quick and quiet although Obito manages to catch hand signs being exchanged between the two. Bitterly, he activates his Sharingan to memorize the movements so he can ask Itachi what they're saying as he realizes after a few minutes that it must be ANBU code because he understood none of it.

He doesn't get a chance to speak with Hound again when they reach the gates because all he's given is a small nod before the two disappear probably to report to the Hokage while Obito does the same to Fugaku. Disappointment is all over his face as he stares at the spot where Hound had been. He'd hoped they could report to Fugaku together so he could present H-...

Obito stands to full height suddenly, tensing as he realizes his thoughts. Sage, he really is an Uchiha! He was actually thinking of presenting Hound to Fugaku as some sort of request to court just because the man could probably snap his neck with his bicep which is just what? How could he do such a thing when he had _Kakashi_!? Sweet Kakashi who is the Yondaime's secretary and the exact opposite of most Uchiha's courting choice.

They have nothing quite concrete between them outside of a few lunches together and what could possibly be flirting but Obito would have sworn just this morning to both his clan and the Hokage that Kakashi is it for him and suddenly a man he doesn't even know catches his interest? Groaning and gaining weird looks from the guards, Obito scrubs furiously at his face. He knows what he feels for Kakashi but Hound refuses to leave his thoughts.

He totally blames the Uchiha for this and whichever ancestor started this trend of falling in love with people that can probably kill them.


	2. Kakashi, Hokage Secretaryprobably

As mentioned before, mostly unbeta-d. Please leave a review. Thank you!

Also, I know some people are asking for backstory for this AU, but since these first few chapters are in Obito's POV and he's practically the Jon Snow of this story (poor boy knows nothing), it'll be awhile if it gets touched on. (But actually feel free to hit me up here or on tumblr if you want to talk XD)

Swallowing nervously, Obito stands before the door leading to the Hokage's office, report for the mission gripped in white-knuckled fingers. He's put off bringing the report to the Hokage for hours now, needing both Itachi and Shisui to drag him out of his cocoon of safety and get his ass in gear. Usually he's more than happy to visit, Namikaze Minato is a staple visitor in the Uchiha Compound after all, and has been known to him since childhood. He's had even more reason the past year and has even turned himself into an errand boy for whenever anyone needed something delivered or retrieved from the Hokage. But with what happened last night he can't quite gather up the courage to enter the office.

The choice is taken from him though when the door creaks slowly open, revealing both the exact reason for his visits and the reason he wants to stay away today.

Kakashi stands before him, loose yukata tucked neatly around him and medical mask firmly in place, his eyebrow is raised curiously and amusement makes his gorgeous gorgeous eyes light up. Obito has to hold in any noises as he practically coos and melt when he sees a small pug in Kakashi's arms. Uchihas are usually more partial to cats but he's been treated to the sight of Kakashi with puppies before and he's happy to say he had shamelessly recorded the entire scene, heart melting as the puppies, brought to the Hokage for some reason by the Inuzuka Clan head, bark and wag their tiny tails on Kakashi's lap.

And Obito just…

Well Obito should probably stop staring now as Kakashi shifts awkwardly before him. They both jump as the pug sighs and rolls its eyes at them.

"Boss, I should get going now," the pug states and Obito blinks at that because while it, well he, is wearing a small blue vest he didn't expect him to be a ninja dog.

Kakashi rubs behind his ears, "Ah sure, thank you, Pakkun,"

The pug identified as Pakkun nods at Kakashi and gives Obito a strange look before poofing right out of Kakashi's hold. He turns a questioning glance at Kakashi and the man shrugs helplessly, "Uh, Minato-san helped me get him. He… helps me out,"

"Huh," he mutters as Kakashi steps away from the doorway to let him in. It's a bit odd for him to have a ninja dog, but maybe it comes with working for the Hokage? He almost asks what sort of things the small pug helps out with (and if Obito himself can help please?) but Kakashi is at his desk and turning that smile towards Obito, a bento in hand and, as his cousins would tease, his brain goes out the window.

"It's not much," Kakashi is saying even as Obito opens up the bento giddily, because he has tried Kakashi's cooking and it is a blessing, and he's not even saying that just because he's in love with him, no matter what Shisui implies. "But I heard you were back and," he trails off awkwardly scratching his cheek and not looking at Obito, "I prepared a lot anyway so…"

Obito wonders if Kakashi is blushing under his mask and almost curses whatever reason the other man has for needing to wear it (there's multiple rumors among the shinobi, the foremost being that the mask is worn for medical reasons) but he's red enough for both of them anyway as he smiles widely, "This is great! Haven't actually had time to eat yet since my cousins dragged me out of bed,"

He probably put too much annoyance in his words because it pulls a laugh out of Kakashi. And also probably because he spends a lot of time sulking about annoying genius cousins who need to mind their own business.

"Well I'm glad they did. Minato-san has been asking about your report," the scolding tone makes Obito both wince a bit even as he hands over the scroll, wondering if he's made Kakashi's job harder, and blush at the teasing and as their fingers brush against each other. His reaction seems to amuse Kakashi and he arches an eyebrow at Obito's blushing face before depositing the report among the other paperwork. Wanting to avoid explaining his reaction, Obito turns to the Hokage's empty desk with his own raised eyebrow and Kakashi shrugs, "He decided to go on a lunch date with Kushina-nee, left me on my own here," is the reply, and he swears he can hear the pout in the tone.

Before he can even think it through Obito is blurting out, "Well we should go on our own date,"

Which is just what? What, mouth? Who said you could say that? Honestly, maybe Shisui and Itachi are right when they say his intelligence goes down several points in Kakashi's presence (in his defence, it's _Kakashi_ )

The chuckle is both a relief and plain frustrating because it's practically a no, and why doesn't Kakashi get he wants a date? An actual date?

"I actually need to stay here," he says looking apologetic.

Which, honestly explains why he prepared lunch and Obito wants to smack himself. Swallowing nervously and wondering if he'll get shot down, he turns redder as he asks, "Mind if I keep you company? Least I could do since you gave me lunch,"

Surprise is evident on what's visible of Kakashi's face before it softens into a lazy grin, "I'd appreciate it,"

Obito absolutely does not excitedly drag the Hokage's chair towards Kakashi's desk (surely Minato-san will forgive him? It's for love!). He totally does it calmly and then sits across from the man, trying very hard not to stare.

He still considers it an improvement from his usual, which his cousins say is him staring longingly at Kakashi (and his ass) and sighing like a love-sick Academy student. Not to say he's quite safe yet as he practically falls right back into doing that, even ignoring his own meal to stare at Kakashi as he brings out his own bento.

Thank goodness for Kakashi though. "So your mission," he starts, cocking his head to the pile of paperwork his own mission report is now a part of, "Did everything go okay?"

Obito **_melts_** **.** Kakashi is worried for him. He starts babbling before he can even think it through but is at least thankful he manages to hold back any important details and his reaction to Hound. He also has to bite down on mentioning his Magenkyou (because possible spouse courting or not, he's not actually allowed to be free with that information) which is too bad, cause non-combatant civilian or not Kakashi would probably be impressed too. No need to tell Kakashi about _those_. He does mention his feeling of being useless during the entire thing though.

"I'm sure you weren't. Fugaku-san wouldn't have sent you if you were," Kakashi says, a foot nudging his as is if to tell him to stop sulking. And there's a softness to his words and expressions that has Obito reminding himself he's not a crybaby anymore damn it! "Anyway, personally I think it's great they did all the work for you, wish the ANBUs here would do my work,"

And that? That was such a Kakashi thing to say complete with a tired sigh and Obito laughs. He at least knows Minato's work ethics enough to know Kakashi probably did have a right to complain about the workload, but Kakashi would have probably complained even with minimal work load. "I still don't know how Minato-san got you to work here. Don't get me wrong you do amazing, but I want to know how he got you to even do the job,"

"I'm actually being forced to work here, Obito. Save me," the line is so dry and delivered with such a blank face that he chokes on the rice he was chewing on as he laughs.

When he recovers from his coughing he can't help but grin, sly and teasing, "How about you come work at the Military Police then? We'd treat you really well and appreciate you,"

And again, mouth why? Sure, none of what is said is wrong but the ways his mind is interpreting how he can personally treat Kakashi well and appreciate him is dangerous territory. Like… 'push Kakashi down and give a demonstration' dangerous.

He doesn't want to take it back though as Kakashi's eyes widen and he doesn't even need the mask to be gone to know Kakashi is blushing. Unfortunately before he can tease (or maybe he is serious?) some more, the other man recovers, dark eyes sparkling in interest, "Oh? Will you now?"

That? That, Obito is ashamed to say, sends all his blood from his brain to down south and he might have whimpered. He's not quite sure as the window opens and the thrice cursed cousins pop in.

The grin on Shisui's face says they totally know they interrupted something. Little shits.


	3. Hatake Kakashi, ANBU Captain

Chapter Summary: A peek into Kakashi's mind, and also are the most mature fearsome individuals.. totally.

A/N: An actual Kakashi POV yey! And a tiny hint on what's different in this universe. Hopefully you guys like. I was pretty worried about these next two chapters. Hopefully the next chapter will be up by next week. Just having a bit of problem. Lol, I honestly didn't expect this to be multiple chapters or this long. Please leave a review, I really appreciate it and helps keep me writing.

Kakashi holds in a laugh at the sight of Itachi and Shisui hopping down from the window frame, steps quiet and faces, or at least Shisui's set in a wide grin. He'd probably feel more upset at them barging in and possibly threaten his darling kouhais if it weren't for the frustrated glare Obito is sending the two. Heck, there's an entire conversation going on between the cousins consisting of minute face twitches and glaring that leaves him laughing internally. Uchihas and specifically Obito are adorable. So, he does what he does best.

With eyes distracted and not focused on him, he finishes his untouched lunch with a quick jutsu and then pointedly, loudly clicks his chopsticks down on the bento, pleased smile pulling his lips up behind his mask as attention once again turn to him.

Obito's impression of a fish is absolutely worth it.

"You… How…" his lunch partner tries to form the questions as his eyes dart from his face to his now empty bento box then back and back again. The reactions are always so worth it, and Obito's is down right cute. A glance at his oh-so-precious kouhais reveal they're frustrated with the little trick and had hoped they had taken him by obvious disappointment on Shisui's face and small twitch of a frown on Itachi's lips are just the cherry on top. Uchihas are _adorable_.

He sends them a sweet smile as he tilts his head in false confusion, "Is something wrong?"

Despite his habit of lacking a brain to mouth filter whenever he found himself around Kakashi, Obito is apparently not rude enough to comment or question how the hell he managed to shove his food down his throat so fast. Pity, he had so many blow job jokes and innuendos already lined up. Instead, Obito's shoulders slump as he finishes his own meal, frowning at his cousins.

"What do you two want anyway?" the annoyance in his tone warms Kakashi a little, and he has to shove down the pleased little thought of how Obito really liked spending time alone with him. Despite practically every other Uchiha's opinion of him.

The glance the two newcomers share is enough to tell Kakashi that the Uchiha's opinion of him is exactly why they're here. He's thankful for Itachi's neutral, "Father says you were taking too long."

Also meaning, 'Stop flirting with the secretary and come back to your work!'

The awkwardness in the room could probably be felt even by the ANBU outside the window.

"Ah well," Kakashi starts, hoping to clear the air of it a bit, "Sorry for keeping you, Uchiha-san,"

"Oh, no! This was fun and thanks for the lunch," is the flustered reply as Obito slowly got up from his seat, looking like he really didn't want to. "Maybe we can do this again sometime?"

He gives a small shrug in answer as the three make a quick exit out the window, Shisui and Itachi giving respectful nods to him as soon as Obito is out before following. He can't help but sigh and rub a hand across his face in annoyance. The temptation to say yes was strong, just as strong as the temptation to agree to go out with Obito earlier. But that's not something he should be doing, because despite what it seemed he is on the job. The fact he's so torn would make Minato and Kushina so happy.

Honestly, Kakashi never thought accepting Minato's offer would affect him like this. But then again, Obito did bulldoze into his life like a runaway boulder.

It's not that his sensei slash guardian's plan is wrong. When Minato had told him of this plan all those years ago, when he was a Jounin at 9, he agreed to the merits of it, and because it was _Minato_ asking it of him. Minato who had taken him in after his father's suicide just because he had been assigned as his sensei a few months before. He'd agreed even knowing Minato was only trying to drag him out of the darkness of ANBU missions. And honestly despite how it really shouldn't, the plan _works_. People forget so easily what his name is, and even genius orphans can get lost in the system so they take one glance at sweet unassuming Kakashi who's stuck behind the desk as the Hokage's overworked secretary and underestimated him, making it so so easy to root out plots and traitors hiding in the dark. (Ha! Take that Danzo!). It's almost worrying how well the plan works.

But then, apparently life decided he doesn't get to escape teenhood and haunted him even as a 21 year old. He wonders if this soap opera is the kind of thing he'd have experienced if he didn't fast track through life and by extension school.

Soft snickers outside the window make him sigh, turning a glare at his subordinates. Honestly, he gets no respect here.

Apparently figuring the privacy seals will hold up and that the village isn't going to self-destruct if they turn away for a bit, Genma and Tenzou hop in through the window while Yugao pops out of a vent he hadn't even been aware she was in.

"Enjoy the show?" he asks relaxing in his seat, stance changing entirely as he's surrounded by his team, and gaze promising they'll be regretting what their answer is on the next training session.

Genma has no self-preservation instincts as he tugs his mask off just to show off the grin in his face, "As much as you enjoyed putting it on, Captain,"

Which, rude. And he's just about to say so when Yugao speaks up as well. Apparently a lack of self-preservation instincts run through his precious squad. (Thinking about it, that makes sense cause _ANBU._ )

"Would have enjoyed it more if the brats didn't interrupt, how'd they get past you two?" she scoffs glaring at her teammates. "Things were just getting fun!"

The two sputter indignantly, Tenzou's probably more honest than Genma's. The former ROOT's face turn even redder than when he first came in, and Kakashi almost worries for him.

"Hey! We were protecting Captain's purity!"

Every set of eyes turned to Genma at that, Raidou even popping out of his own vent to give his partner a look that screamed just how stupid he thought he was.

It apparently eggs Genma on, batting his eyes sweetly at them, "Oh come on, we've heard Obito. Surely it's our duty to protect his dear sweet Kakashi from his own dastardly plans?"

If there's one thing about this situation that Kakashi hates, it's that he's given his squad enough ammo to keep teasing him til he dies, or they do. Genma's comment makes the usually calm Tenzou choke on air and Raidou to hop out and whack some sense into him even as Yugao cackles about Obito looking like he wanted to throw Kakashi down on the desk right then and there. Honestly, this is the supposedly _feared_ ANBU.

Turning his thoughts to the situation now, Kakashi can't help but frown. It really is frustrating.

Obito's idea of him is honestly cute. That he's some helpless, possibly ill, non-combatant dragged into being Minato's secretary. He doesn't even know if the Uchiha realizes he can't possibly be a civilian considering his job, but apparently that hasn't crossed his mind. His image of Kakashi and treatment of him, which practically all of Konoha knows of because Kushina-nee and Mikoto-san are gossips, has done wonders to building his cover. But it does mean he now can't bring Obito into what's really going on, despite turning into someone Minato would possibly trust with the truth.

Not to mention Obito himself. The Uchiha is adorable and sweet and seems utterly besotted with Kakashi… but there's still no way to say how he'd react to the fact he's apparently been falling in love flirting with a cover story, someone who doesn't even exist. Kakashi is ANBU. He's first and foremost, Hound, ANBU Captain and a member of Minato's guard. Not the kind secretary Obito thinks he is and Minato hopes he could be.

His thoughts are interrupted this time by Minato and Bear entering the room. There's no comment about the bickering ANBU squad but the expression on his guardian's face is pure Hokage, which only means it's back to work for them.


End file.
